Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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