Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
you traded sex for a burrito?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
