Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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