I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Enjoy the penises
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