I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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