i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
