Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone says I win the strip club
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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