She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
