First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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