If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
