made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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