I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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