since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
and you fell through a lawn chair
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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