the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
