The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
