oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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