I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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