Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
