He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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