Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
