if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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