i don't like sucking hair
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
