I accidentally had phone sex last night
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
