Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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