Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize