If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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