But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
