I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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