I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
