All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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