She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
