flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
