so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
