Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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