Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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