You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
