Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
