Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
