I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
