it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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