he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
