you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
