Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
