Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
