I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
