he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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