I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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