Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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