I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
