He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
