Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
