I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I don't think brook has ever known best
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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