Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
