her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
