I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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