Define "chronic" masturbator.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
