I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize