i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
