Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
