I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
my being single is dangerous.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
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he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
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Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize