I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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