I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
