Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
