im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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