Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
